Don't Front on the Nap

We all need The Nap

         There are a lot of times where people say to me, “I don’t know how you do it, with all these things going on in your life,” – “it” meaning stay alive I think. I think that’s what they’re referring to. I’ll share a secret with you.

         Come closer.

         *Whispers* I take a nap (almost) every day.

  

Do Not Disturb

       Seriously.

         I have since February 2008 (note that was BEFORE my kids were born).

         Almost every day for about an hour and fifteen minutes (or more if I can) somewhere between 2 and 4:30, I nap.

         Yup. Based upon my schedule (am I working that day, is it a weekend, is it the summer), I have a set time to nap. Weekends it’s 2 p.m. (with the boys who also nap). Weekdays it’s usually 2:45ish.

         At around 2:30 I literally hit a mental wall. If I don’t get to sleep soon, then it will become a full on, “OMG I’m Going To Fall Down And Die” feeling. And if I can’t nap, for example, if I have a meeting at work, then my brain is not in attendance. My frontal lobe, the part of the brain that says, “Oh hey ho, let’s NOT say that at work…” just…doesn’t go to the party. So if you’ve been at a meeting with me and I’ve said something…off…it’s probably because it was naptime.

How my kids found me when they didn't nap today.

        Part of the reason I need to nap is I don’t get enough sleep at night. I know that. I mean, seriously, who does? With two kids, a job, a business, writing a book, trying to keep my house tidy-ish, laundry, and, you know, like talking to my husband for a few minutes a day, I don’t go to bed until far past when I should. I sometimes daydream of going to bed when my kids do and I think, “Wow, that would be amazing…” but then I don’t because there’s stuff that needs to be done. The people keep needing clean clothes and shit.

         So that’s part of it I’m sure. But another part of it is that my brain needs a reset mid-day. I’m not sure if my stroke in 2008 flipped some switch or if it’s because I’m mostly an introvert and my job requires a lot of interaction/mental energy or if there is some other reason (or a combination of them), but I need a mid-day brain break.

         Who’s with me? Admit it in the comments. Who takes Adult Naps?

Are you part of the 70-80%?

As a mom with a full-time job, a husband who works full-time, and two sons 6 and under, getting organized for dinner every night can be frustrating and overwhelming. There have been weeks where I have just said, "Forget it," and we ate out a bunch. But I realized two things. First, this is expensive (duh), and second, coordinating that can get overwhelming too (drive time, traffic, waiting, who wants what, where are we going).

It's like every night they want dinner...

Did you know that 70-80% of people don't know what's for dinner by 4 p.m.? Usually if that's the case, what do we do? We either get food out or order in, or we run to the store and get something that we can make that night (hello lines and spending way more on groceries than we should). But I challenged myself to do all 7 meals for a week at home, just to see if I could do it (and save the time of going out and money).

Start Meal Planning, Yo!

To rid myself of the stress and to save money, I started meal planning. I take an hour on Sundays to figure out what I want to make for the week, make a list of the required ingredients, go through my pantry and fridge to figure out what I don't already have off the list, then create a shopping list based upon my grocery store. As you've probably realized, it's much easier to shop when you have all of the items that are together grouped together on your list. I also look at what I have on hand and search for recipes that use those things so I can save on shopping (and use up what we already have).

I post what's for dinner for that week on our wipe board and check it the night before to see if anything needs to be defrosted. I also overbuy things that are on sale that we use often and freeze them (such as pork chops, bread, butter, or frozen chicken). I make sure to take into account things that we have going on (karate on Tuesdays and Thursdays, pizza night every Friday with our family) so that I can plan for those nights specifically. For example, karate nights I typically have a freezer meal ready to go so that my husband can cook it while Silas and I are at karate and dinner can be ready when we get home. I usually pre-make the freezer meals on Sunday after the boys have gone to bed - ahhhh uninterrupted cooking.

To find my recipes I typically search for recipes with a specific ingredient or I search for meals that have few ingredients (time is of the essence here people!). I have a pile of recipes I have used before and I write on them whether they turned out well, if we liked them, or even recycle the ones that are just NO.

Meal Planning Not DIY

A friend introduced me to a new idea though that I'm pretty excited to try - Tastefully Simple, an online company, offers meal collections that give you the ingredients to make meals along with recipes, a grocery list, and suggestions for sides. The tough work (finding recipes, making the list) is done for you, and you literally have to choose your meals for the week and shop. Unlike the subscription boxes that send you all of the ingredients including vegetables, you don't have to worry about the products you receive going bad before you use them.

There are different options too - you can get a 30 meals and more collection or you can choose one of three 10 meals and more collections. I chose the Fix It Fast 10 meals collection because all of the recipes are ready in 30 minutes or less. There is also a family favorites collection and a grilling collection. We may have to try the grilling collection next because Mike loves to grill.

You can even choose to use TS To You, a subscription service, where you receive a collection every other month (and receive a discount for continuing to use it). You get to choose the collection you want every other month, and each collection comes with different recipes (so the next time I order Fix It Fast, it won't have the same recipes). And you can find new recipes to use the products you receive with your collection on the Tastefully Simple website (click Recipes and Blog). Using the collections makes each serving about $3 and obviously you can save and/or freeze the leftovers for lunch.

Dinner is decided!

It's really a no-brainer. We used to order a subscription service that sent out 3 weekly meals for the same price as the 10 Meals or More collection. The recipes available are amazing (and there's over 1200 of them), and you can also purchase other Tastefully Simple products such as Beer Bread Mix (my family's favorite because it's so versatile), dip starters, drink starters...the list is endless (as is my wish list). I hosted an online TS party and found that a lot of my friends were looking for easy meal solutions as well. This is a universal thing (hence the 70-80%)!

I love all of my Tastefully Simple products so much, I signed up to be an independent consultant (because who doesn't like a discount on your own dinner products, helllllloooo?). When you purchase a collection you have the option to join as a consultant for $39.95 - you can get your products discounted and receive commission on the products friends and family love. Again, it's a no brainer.

I have to say, making dinner is way more fun and less stressful when you know what's coming and that you're saving money doing it!

What's your favorite recipe from the Tastefully Simple recipe collection? Post it in the comments below!

A Week in the Life - Autism Parenting

Monday:
     Morning: Ugh, seriously, you sucked at sleep last night. Getting you up and dressed is going to be like poking a bear with a sharp stick. Yes we need to get out of (my) bed. (*NO!*). Yes we need to use the potty. (*NO!). Yes we need to get dressed. Go find your shoes. Put your shoes on. (*NO!) Grab your backpack and let's go to school. (*Don't wanna go school!*) Don't you want to see you friends? (*NO friends!*) - Gets to school and races ahead screaming, "FRIENDS?!" Parent is...confused but glad that he's going to be at school for a few hours. Go to work.
     Afternoon: Brace yourself for a sleep-deprived almost 4-year-old. Pick up child at daycare. He falls asleep in the car. You arrive home and try to take him out of the car without waking him. Don't poke the bear. He wakes up and insists you carry him to the house but hits you and screams NO the entire walk to the house.
     Evening: Screaming. Crying. Won't eat dinner (even after you offer waffles and strawberries, his current favorites). Falls asleep on the couch. Help oldest with homework. Huffing and puffing, this is boring, can we do this tomorrow? Carry youngest's 40-pound body to the bed to put on a pull-up instead of his undies. He wakes up and becomes a screaming mess. You lay on the floor and he falls on top of you and you rock him until his heart beat slows from 900 billion miles an hour. You finally get him to bed and he announces, "I need to go potty." Three minutes later he is snoring. You drink wine and feel emotionally and physically exhausted.

Dinner of champions

Tuesday:
Everyone slept well because they were so damn tired from not sleeping well Sunday night although you get woken up at 1:30 a.m. by the child coming to sleep in your bed. He tosses and turns and wiggles for 15 minutes before settling. You finally fell back to sleep at around 2:30 a.m. and wake up at 5 a.m. to shower and drink coffee before you deal with The People. 6:45 you bring them THEIR morning coffee (milk cups) and repeat Monday's morning process. "No want to get up!" Me neither dude, but look at me all showered and dressed and shit while you were still sleeping.
Go to work. Come home and nap because 7 hours of sleep in 2 days is wearing on you. Pick up boys from daycare. Drop youngest at home with husband and take older child to karate. Make sure you have snacks, drinks, karate uniform, and coffee. Child with Autism screams as you leave the house (because you apparently won't come back...which you have thought about..). "No mumma no go nooooooo momma nooooooooo"
Finish karate at 6:45. Debate picking up fast food or asking husband who is poor at multitasking (observing a child AND cooking dinner? that can be done?) to cook something while we return from karate (which takes forever due to construction). Discuss why there's traffic with 6-year-old (AGAIN).
Pick up dinner because husband can't find anything to make at the house. Dole out chicken and french fries to happy children. Breathe because...hey, nobody is screaming! Do homework with oldest. He complains and huffs and puffs. 7 p.m. Witching Hour. Baths. Screaming NO. Bed time early because older child is tired from karate and younger child is still off on sleep. Everyone is asleep by 8:30 p.m. Pass out and drool on your pillow (until 1:30 a.m. when child arrives in your bed again).

Wednesday:
5.5 hours of uninterrupted (i.e., you were kicked and shoved all night but the child didn't wake up and try to chat with you or watch TV at 3 a.m.) sleep! Glory be! Check your schedule. Work but NOBODY HAS ANYTHING THIS EVENING. Repeat Monday morning routine. Older child is getting better at trying to help youngest stay on track (but you wonder constantly if you're doing a disservice to neurotypical child because you have to focus on child with Autism so much - vow to spend more time with neurotypical child).
Home from work. Take a nap. Pick up boys from daycare. Cook actual healthy dinner. Only adults eat it. Older child cries until he is told he cannot have anything else because "this is dinner." Youngest throws his food at the dogs. Children basically do not eat. Eh, they have fat reserves.
Baths, screaming about brushing teeth, lots of "I need to potty" out of bed behaviors, and finally, sleep. Write blog post and daydream about sleeping.

Thursday:
Repeat Tuesday complete with karate and the possibility of fast food. Tell husband to make leftover spaghetti instead. Children eat as if they haven't eaten in days (wait...well...). Both fall asleep on the couch at 7:30 p.m. Parents debate leaving them there for a while because...it's quiet and they can actually talk to each other for 5 minutes. Wake up children for baths and bed. Make sure oldest has finished his weekly homework (due tomorrow) and force him to finish it if it isn't complete. Decide baths are not necessary and hustle them both to bed. Did they brush their teeth? Can't remember. Tired.

Friday:
Repeat Monday's morning routine except you get to sleep 1 hour later because you don't have to be at work until later on Friday (so you can come home and shower after dropping boys off). Actually apply makeup without "assistance," anyone taking your shit, or anyone asking what you're doing. Dress and go to work leisurely. Daydream of a time when you had no children. Then the school calls and tells you that older son fell on the playground and hit his head (or insert another reason for call here). You pick up son and bring him home to rest. Work productivity = 10% when expected was 90%. Finish required work and read 5 pages of leisure reading book while child watches Transformers. Feel guilty because there are dishes to wash and there is laundry to fold. Take nap with older child (which is actually really nice because he's a solid sleeper). Drink coffee and steel yourself for picking youngest up. Grocery shop quickly - make sure to get pizza, coffee, and coffee creamer, because, you know, priorities.
Pizza night for dinner - family and friends come over for pizza and relax with beer and wine. Leave the room often, leaving children with unsuspecting family and friends while you breathe and try not to scream about children who are fighting over a toy and still haven't learned to share. Youngest's "MINE!" is a shrill scream. It's lovely. Husband forgets the fact that children still need to go to bed because he's spending time with friends, and doesn't bathe children (which is his job). Children end up falling asleep on the couch after being bathed at 9 p.m. It would be so nice if going to sleep later meant sleeping later, but, you know, HA. Friends leave, thanking you for the free birth control (i.e., hanging out with your kids). You got it! THIS COULD BE YOU.

Saturday:
Wake up at 7 a.m. with youngest who is all about watching "Toy Story videos" on your laptop. As long as you let him, he will be entertained and you can drink coffee, have breakfast, and even relax a little. But you know that when you want to do some work later there will be a disagreement over ownership of said laptop. You contemplate taking children out to do XYZ in the neighborhood but worry that youngest will melt down in public which makes you anxious because it happens often. Decide to stay home because he has already melted down twice this morning over what seems to be nothing. Children begin chasing each other around the house, screaming. Look in the mirror and see a Mombie (i.e., Zombie mom). Oldest is crying because youngest threw something heavy at him. Put youngest in time out and soothe oldest. Start at "Children begin chasing each other" again...go for at least 5 or 6 times before lunch. Try to read books or some enriching activity. Sometimes they participate.
Make lunch. Maybe if you're lucky, a friend comes over to babysit in the morning and you can either a) nap or b) get some work done on your tablet (which is a pain in the ass, but taking the laptop back is poking the bear). Nap while children nap. Make 3 different dinners because nobody seems to want to eat what you had planned for dinner (and it's not pizza or chicken and french fries). Nobody is tired at bath time because they took naps (which they don't usually do during the week). Push bedtime back a little bit because nobody wants to fight with them (and they will literally just keep getting up if you make them go to bed). Feel like a crappy parent. Realize tomorrow is going to suck because they WILL be up at 7 a.m. again. Drink wine. Watch one episode of a TV show you wish you could catch up on and hope that Hulu doesn't take the episodes you need down before you get caught up.

Sunday:
7 a.m. they are up and chasing each other. Husband sleeps until 10:30 a.m. at which point you send child with Autism in to wake him because...otherwise he might not live to see Daddy when Daddy does wake up. Youngest has been repeating, "Eat donuts? Eat donuts mama? Mama, eat donuts? Donuts mama?" for the past 3 hours. Usually Daddy gets up and gets donuts on Sunday.
Consider day drinking.
Children watch TV or "Toy Story videos" on the computer. Lunch is a burned pizza (for some reason the Sunday lunch pizza ALWAYS gets burned). Naps. Feel guilty about not taking boys out of the house yesterday and so you bring them to the park after naps. There's nobody else at the park (you don't live in an area with a lot of kids). Oldest complains there's nobody to play with. Then another kid shows up. Youngest has had his fill and wants to leave but now oldest wants to stay and play with this kid he doesn't know. Sit in the car with youngest for a bit so oldest can have a chance to play with another kid (like, you know, a normal kid whose brother isn't having a meltdown in his car seat). Google all-inclusive vacations for you and husband while youngest screams and oldest plays. Give oldest five-minute warning. Take children home and make sandwiches for dinner because everyone agrees to eat them (but then youngest doesn't, oldest eats his sandwich even though you told him not to, and youngest returns to find he has no sandwich). Cue Sunday Night Cry from youngest. Cries until 11 p.m. (even though they went to bed at 8:45). Go in the backyard and mutter, "WHY WON'T YOU JUST GO TO SLEEP? YOU NEED SLEEP! WE ALL DO! JUST GO TO DAMN SLEEP!" until you feel slightly better about dealing with a wound up, upset, almost 4 year old. Finally say screw it, and take him to bed with you because you want to go to bed and he's still up and crying.

Googling beachfront vacations...with no children.

Enjoy your Monday!

**Stock images from Unsplash - check them out for gorgeous photos!**

Welcome to all of the Flamingos

You've heard the phrase "work/life balance" and probably felt badly about it. Because your "balance" was so out of "balance" and you thought, oh god, what am I doing wrong?

Liz rolls here eyes and shakes her head.

You're not. You're not doing anything wrong. Work/life balance is a lie. It's like...I don't know...being caught up on household chores. You think it can happen, you've heard other people do it...but it lasts for about 5 minutes and then, poof! In a puff of pink smoke, it's gone.

Here's us, trying to be balanced...

So we're chasing this idea of balance that is actually not attainable and feeling bad about it.

STOP THE MADNESS!

Most of us are balancing like the pile of dishes in your cabinet after your oldest child empties the dishwasher. Precariously. About to fall over and COULD make a big crash (and involve the purchase of paper plates instead of ceramic).

Work/life balance is more like work-lif-wor-LIFE-wo-li 

We are constantly switching back and forth, switching "hats," and sometimes, just sometimes, feeling badly that we're doing poorly in one of our roles (sometimes? let's talk about all the mommy guilt and the "mom wars" that go on between for example, working and stay-at-home moms).

So we feel as if we're constantly going, constantly trying to make something better, whatever that something of the minute is, but are you enjoying your something?

Let me make a suggestion - don't go for balance. Go for enjoyment. Enjoy what you are doing "in the now," make every effort to make what you're doing right this minute, whether it's playing Hot Wheels with your kid, working on their homework with them, working to get caught up on work stuff - enjoy it. It's here. It's now. Put the cell phone and computer away. Turn off your notifications. Don't let interruptions, well, interrupt being present with the things you're focusing on.

Be present.

You may realize that there are some things you just can't do. Because you can't do everything. You can't. So here's my strategy: figure out what you want to prioritize and focus on those things. Make a top 5. Those are your foci for now (and it will change of course, week to week sometimes). But then if something comes up that's not on your list, let it go.

If you're a parent, you probably get this reference.

This may sound crazy, because if you're like I was, you want to do everything well. After a stroke at age 30 and two heart attacks at 32, I made some clear decisions - I want to focus on what's important to me. It involved saying "no" to some things that I wanted to do but just couldn't. And it involved changing my focus sometimes. And "giving in" (not up) about others.

Some people would see that as settling. I call it looking out for your damned mental health.

So while you're trying to balance on one leg, look perfectly amazing in your Flamingo-ness, and be a super woman, stop yourself. Focus on Your Five. Let the rest go (at least for now - them dishes ain't gonna do themselves - but could you delegate them to someone else?).

What are Your Five things your focusing on right now? Comment below so other parents can see that they're not crazy.